Yo. It's been awhile hasn't it? July is around the corner and I haven't even started my July Wallpaper.

It's becoming harder and harder to be...caring about anything. Not EMO, it's just...as bills stack, I work about 5-7 days a/week or at least I will be soon, I'm having issues sleeping, I'm away from family, friends, loved ones, it's become very easy to be apathetic about everything.

Even the comic. I beat myself up a lot. I've been off my anti-depressants for....two years this November. I've had ups and downs but I always try to keep myself happy. But it's becoming harder and harder, and I think I know why.

I've always had problems making friends, I'm a real loner, if there ever was one. Sure, I'm social at work, I try to...fit in, start conversation, that sort of thing, but I've never had a real friend. Well not at least since I lived in Washington. Brian M. I can't remember his last name. McDeema? Madeema? He was sick a lot as a kid, and we played games, we had a lot in common, and then I moved. I think what I've been doing is trying to replace real human interactions, with video games, movies, and music. It's not working, apparently.

Like what I told my dad, I feel I've become exceedingly detached from reality, and living in my own little world of apathy and despair. I can look happy, I can smile, I can talk with people, hold a conversation, but in my soul, I feel empty.

I have taken back to Christianity, but not back to church. I think I might find one, a Methodist, just to get back to reality.

Through religion, I may be reborn. Ha.

I have one last confession. I might be developing Schizophrenia, or Multiple personalities. It's scaring me that some days it feels like the barrier I've made in the back of my brain is waning and the demon that spoke to me, years ago, is reawakening. I know this all sounds extremely disturbing, but when I was young, I heard voices, to kill my mother, and gather the eight stones of hell, to open a portal to hell. Yeah. The antidepressants helped, and treatment, but I fear he is coming back. He hasn't given a name to me yet, but he is there. My darker side, my demon.

Gotta go,

Webreever